Into the Light
by buffygirl52789
Summary: He wasn’t quite sure if that was the moment. The moment he had fallen hopelessly in love with Winifred Burkle. [Fresley]
1. Reflections and Regret

Disclaimer:Nothing here is mine.

Rating: PG for angst

Pairing: Fred/Wesley

Timeline: Right after Wesley's death in Not Fade Away

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at a Fresley fic. I had this idea the other day and decided to write itmuch of it is based on thoughts that I have had ever since I first saw the series finale of Angel. There will only be one more chapter after this. Please keep in mind that I obviously have no idea what dying and/or heaven is actually like, so this is simply my vision of it. I would also like to thank SanityFair, whose wonderful fic Always is Never Enough helped inspire me to write this. Enjoy, and as always, please review.

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_"My love. Oh my love."_

He felt his eyes closing involuntarily, and soon he could no longer feel Fred's touch, her arms holding him. For a few moments there was nothing...just black emptiness, never ending time and space. Then suddenly a distant light appeared...just a tiny speck, a faint glimmer of white. He couldn't feel or see anything, but he tried to move towards it, and it did indeed begin to grow brighter. He walked along numbly, barely considering the fact that his life had just ended.

_"That strange wild girl saved us - from Angel._"

He wasn't quite sure if that was the moment. The moment he had fallen hopelessly in love with Winifred Burkle. He was pretty sure that it had been a little later than that...once he had gotten to know her. She had stolen his heart, and he had been a lost cause ever since.

The light was growing brighter now...less distant.

The night she had gone to the movies with Angel, her girlish excitement while telling him about it...that was the night he had first felt that heat, that anger deep down...jealousy. From that day on he had decided that he wanted her. He had tried, at first unsuccessfully, to act on his feelings. He wasn't sure exactly what had held him back...the fact that the awkward Watcher who had failed his first assignment miserably still existed inside, perhaps. Every night he had pondered that question, and yet he had yet to come up with an excuse.

An excuse for all of the wasted time.

But things had changed forever that night at the ballet. He swore that his heart had ceased to beat the moment he had seen her kissing Gunn. That moment had been the start of his descent into darkness. The chain of events with Connor had led him further away from her than before. But even in all of the darkness, she had been his light. He still held onto his devotion to her for dear life. Without it he may have been transformed into someone that she never could have come to love.

The most frustrating part was that it seemed everyone else knew what he wanted. Cordelia, Lilah, Angelus. Yet Fred didn't see him the way he saw her.

He wasn't sure exactly when that had changed. Maybe it had been that day in the hotel, after she had overheard Angelus's crude comments. Somehow he had found the courage to kiss her, to take her in his arms right there and act on the feelings that had been bubbling beneath the surface for what seemed like forever. He would never forget the look in her eyes when they had broken away: shock. Mostly shock. But also pleasure. He had been sure of it. That moment had been the first step in the right direction after endless steps backwards.

The light was now large enough and bright enough so that he could see himself, walking slowly into it.

The move to Wolfram and Hart had turned out to be the perfect opportunity. As Gunn became someone that none of them recognized Fred had started to take notice of what had been right in front of her all along. At this point Wesley had found himself; a balance between his geeky days as a Watcher and his rebellious days that had alienated him from his friends, his life. And he finally had the courage. Yet somehow he found himself oblivious to her change of heart. After more than two years of battling with his feelings and trying to find the right words, she had been the one to make the first move.

_"That was a signal. Okay? Is that...clear enough for you?"_

And from that moment on his life was changed. Those precious days he had with her, those few precious moments, the few kisses and embraces...he had felt as if he had achieved a new level of existence. If this was living, he didn't know what he had been doing before, before her. Just existing.

But as quickly as his life had changed when they had finally gotten it right, it changed upon her death. He went back to just existing...if even. He was pretty sure that he hadn't truly felt anything in the weeks that had passed since Illyria had taken over the body of his love. Just empty vengeance. He had killed Knox, he had nearly killed Gunn, but it hadn't been enough. It hadn't brought her back.

And Illyria...she had complicated things in a way that had been unexpected. When she took on Fred's form to masquerade for the Burkles, he had felt something, more than he had felt since the moment when he had felt the life drain from her. It was so convincing that he had actually had to remind himself that this wasn't Fred. In fact Illyria had been the one thing that had prevented him from simply ending his miserable existence, she was one last tie to the woman he loved. And she had changed, she had become reminiscent of a human. Especially just moments ago, when she had taken on Fred's form to comfort him while he died. He even had a feeling that had the battle gone differently, he may have come to care for Illyria. Not in the way he loved Fred, never in that way. But it may have been something, something to get him through each miserable day.

The light was almost fully surrounding him now, yet all he could see was a never ending white space. Was this heaven? He had never been very religious, but he was fairly certain that this was the point when your loved ones were supposed to come to you. Help you to cross over. But he remembered with a pang that he didn't even have that to look forward to.

_"Miss Burkle's soul was consumed by the fires of resurrection. Everything she was is gone. Forever."_

If there had been a fragment of hope left in him it had disintegrated upon hearing those words.

He continued to walk through the light, not particularly caring. Maybe this was heaven, but Fred wasn't here. So that didn't make it any more enjoyable than Earth. Perhaps less even, because here there wouldn't even be a shell that resembled her. He would have nothing. He briefly wondered if they had alcohol in heaven.

He spotted something in the distance...a shape, something that contrasted with the pure white light that surrounded everything. He felt some relief at the fact that he could see something...although he had stopped bleeding his wound still stung, and he felt so very tired, both physically and emotionally. Hopefully there would be somewhere for him to sit down, to sleep. For a very long time.

As he got a little closer he began to frown. The shape wasn't a gate or a door as he had expected, instead it appeared to be...a person. He considered who could possibly be waiting for him...Cordelia, perhaps? It had to be her. He began to walk only slightly faster, a little cheered at the prospect of seeing his old friend.

But as he moved closer, he realized that it wasn't Cordelia at all.

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TBC...


	2. Rewards and Retribution

At first he thought his eyes must be deceiving him. He tried blinking a few times...all of this light, perhaps his mind was playing tricks on him. Or maybe he wasn't dead after all...maybe Illyria had been wrong about his wound being mortal. Maybe he was dreaming, and he would wake up in a hospital bed, back inside his empty existence.

"Wesley."

He stood still when he heard her voice. That sweet, kind voice with just a hint of a Southern accent. He looked at her again, standing only about ten feet away from him, her brown hair cascading over her shoulders in soft waves, wearing a simple white, flowing dress. Her gentle smile and big, brown eyes...those eyes that he could get lost in for hours. She simply stood there before him, her expression unreadable.

Not knowing what else to do, he closed the gap between them, stopping only inches away from her. Hesitantly, he reached out, and was almost shocked when he felt the smooth skin of her arm beneath his hand. "Fred?"

"My dear Wesley," she said, reaching out to touch his face. He noticed tears glistening in her eyes.

He just stared at her, still unsure of what was happening. "Fred...where am I? Is this a dream?" In his final moments, when the imitation of his love had said that they would finally be together, he knew she had been lying, it had just been kind words to make him feel better. He knew it was impossible. Even that had been taken from them by a chain of events set in motion thousands of years ago.

She shook her head. "It's not a dream Wesley. It's heaven."

He suddenly withdrew his hand from her arm, stepping back out of her reach. "No, it's not real. If this heaven, you wouldn't be here...your soul, they said your soul was gone. Gone forever."

She took a step closer to him. "No. I'm not gone, I'm right here! I've been waiting for you. I've missed you so much." She placed a hand on his chest, gazing up into his eyes.

Wesley felt himself retreat inside the walls he had constructed in the weeks since she had left him. "No. This isn't real, I heard them, I'm never going to see you again...Illyria? Is that you? Please stop lying to me now."

She looked sad, wounded even. "Wesley, no, it's me. It's your Fred, I'm here. You should know that a person's soul can never be destroyed, that thing took my body but she could never destroy my soul."

"But...the fires of resurrection," he argued, not giving in.

"My sweet Wesley. A person's soul isn't tangible. It's not made of molecules and atoms. It's pure spirit. When I died, Illyria took my body, but she could never destroy me. I came here, and I've been waiting for you..."

He shook his head fiercely. "No, this isn't real. I wish to God it was but I know it's not..."

"It is! Wesley, listen to me. Did you ever really think that fate could be that cruel to us? We only had days together, days Wesley. But now we have all of eternity, we can finally be with each other," she insisted passionately.

He stared at her desperately. "Fred..."

"Yes! I'm Fred, Winifred Burkle, the woman who loves you. I've been waiting for you, I thought it would be much longer than this but you didn't survive the battle..." she traced her fingers over the sealed wound on his chest.

"I died. But my death was different from yours, I was killed by Cyrus Vail. Your being was infected by Illyria," he said, slightly less forcefully.

"It doesn't matter how someone dies. When I got here, they told me that it didn't matter that my body was taken, a body doesn't mean anything, it's your soul that makes you who you are. All good people end up here," she said, gesturing around at the white light which stretched on as far as he could see. "And I know you'll love it here, it's beautiful."

He felt like his heart was being torn apart yet again. The cold, rational side of him was protesting that this wasn't real, it had to be some sort of illusion. But the sight of her had awakened a heat within him...almost as if part of him that had died with her had been resurrected. "Oh Fred...I can't trust this. I mourned you, I had to go on without you."

"Wesley, listen to me. Does this feel real?" Without warning she reached out and kissed him on the lips, with the same desire and passion that she had back on Earth, in his office, when their mutual feelings had finally been acted upon after so long. He encircled his arms around her waist, clutching the filmy fabric of her white dress. When they broke apart due to need of oxygen he felt a tear escape his eye.

"F-Fred?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, it's me," she sobbed. She threw herself into him, resting her head on his shoulder. "It's really me. We're finally together."

He felt the disbelieving part of him start to fade away, as the overwhelming sensations of her touching him took over his mind. He had dreamed of her before, every night since her passing, and he had felt Illyria's touch while she attempted to act in her place...but this was different. Then he considered what she had said about the soul being the only important part of someone's being...if that was true, then he had died with her. There had been more than one shell left behind when she had passed.

He wrapped his arms around her, allowing his doubts to slip away. "I thought I was never going to see you again..." He suddenly thought of something. Wesley pulled back slightly so he could look into her eyes. "Could you...did you see us, on Earth?"

She nodded sadly. "I watched you, I saw you all think that I was gone for good. I tried so hard to find a way to tell you that I was here, that I was waiting for you, but I couldn't find it."

"I'm so sorry," Wesley said suddenly. "I'm sorry that I couldn't save you."

She immediately shook her head. "It's not your fault. It was meant to be." She hastily wiped away her tears. "We don't need to be sad anymore. We can finally have what we deserve."

He reached out and kissed her again, this time not holding anything back. She melted into his arms. "There are so many things we never got to do..."

"We have all the time in the world," she said, glowing with happiness. She reached out and took his hands in hers. "Let me show you. Cordy's here too!"

He walked with her through the white light. "Cordelia...when I saw you waiting for me, I thought it must be her at first. I didn't know who would be waiting for me."

"But I'm here. I'm here, and you're here, and everything is fine now," she said, babbling slightly in her trademark way.

He smiled for the first time in what seemed like forever. "You're right."

"And guess what? They have tacos here!" Fred bubbled excitedly.

Wesley laughed, remembering his silent question of if they had beer in heaven...that seemed irrelevant now. "Fred, you know, we never got the chance to...to make love." He ran a finger gently over her cheek.

She placed her hand over his and closed her eyes. "I know. When I was...dying, that was one of my biggest regrets."

"There are so many things we never got to do together," he said.

She smiled at him. "Well then we'd better get started!" She began to walk a little faster, holding his hand as he followed behind her. After continuing in silence for a few minutes, the white light gave way to reveal an ivory gate that extended as high as he could see. "We're here now," she said, turning to face him. "We're finally here."

"What are we waiting for?" he asked, a smile spreading across his face. She grinned back before kissing him passionately.

"Come on," she said, her voice breathy. "We have a lot of wasted time to make up for. Why did it take us so long to figure it out anyway?"

He shook his head. "I was just asking myself that same question. But it doesn't matter now." The gates opened slowly, and she looked into his eyes.

"Are you ready?" she asked seriously.

"Oh, yes," he replied without hesitation. She led him through the gates, and they took the first step towards their new beginning.

The End


End file.
